BITCHES ONCE MONTHLY - JUST LIKE YOU!

CASTRATED!

Loser rapist loses both balls when busty victim takes revenge

An as yet unnamed man has been found stripped and brutally castrated only metres from his place of work.

The woman who discovered the man (if we can still call him that) was Gillian Wood, 21. She spotted him from a window of the same office in which he worked and which happened to overlook the site where he lay naked, twitching and unconscious.

“At first I thought it was funny – him laying there with it all hanging out, but when I went down to mock him to his face and realised his bollocks had been completely pulped, well... it was just hilarious!”

It transpired that the onetime male had had a meeting with his well-being counsellor,

Linda Gregory, 25, the same morning in which he boastfully exposed his then amply-filled scrotum.

“It was disgusting,” the counsellor told Mean Girls. “I reprimanded him sternly. Very sternly. Right in his big dangling balls. But in answer to your question, yes – both plums were plump and healthy when I left him. Whatever happened to them happened after my meeting with him. After. Got it?”

Another former colleague, a Californian, Whitney Fox, 23, had this to say about him, “Real creep. He was totally in to me. I turned him down a bunch of times and I was pretty forceful about it. This wasn’t the first time he’d sang soprano if you catch my drift.

“Anyway, he stopped bothering me eventually, but I heard he totally raped this dumb slut called Sian instead. In my opinion, the fat-titted whore did us all a favour when she popped his nuts.”

His employer, Giselle Tudor, (age withheld) confirmed that there had indeed been insinuations of rape made by a female staff member and swabs of the man’s penis (now thankfully rendered useless) tested positive for vaginal fluids.

Police are now requesting that ball-busting teen heroine Sian Williams, 18, turns herself in to the authorities for questioning about the incident and the events surrounding the man’s undoubtedly justified and deserved castration.

Sian is described as a 5’6”, 34G-cup brunette with a slim build (if you don’t count the aforementioned 34G’s). Males are advised to approach her with extreme caution; women are encouraged by Mean Girls to give her a high five.

Artist's Impression of Victim Sian Williams: